A Jedi's Grief
by Raiden1407
Summary: Being strong isn't easy. Both awoken by haunting nightmares, Obi-Wan and Anakin take some time to talk and think about the tragedies that the Clone Wars has caused for them. A one-shot focusing on the grief that Obi-Wan and Anakin share during the war, and their close bond.


**SPOILER WARNING:**** This story contains spoilers for The Clone Wars! If you haven't seen the series, I suggest you don't read this fanfic. It's an excellent series and definitely not worth spoiling for yourself. In any case, enjoy the story!**

Obi-Wan awoke in a sweat, panting heavily. He sat up quickly. It was another nightmare. Nightmares had become more and more familiar to Obi-Wan, haunting him almost every night. He grabbed his chest as he tried to catch his breath, and eventually managed to slow down and breathe normally again. Obi-Wan sat in silence for a few minutes, contemplating the terrible images of his dreams. He rubbed his eyes, and got up, walking to the bathroom. It was late at night, with nothing but the neon lights of Coruscant outside the window illuminating the room. Obi-Wan looked at himself in the mirror, sweat dripping down his face. He turned on the tap, and cupped his hands with water, then splashed it on his face. The cold water felt relieving after having worked up such a sweat from the nightmare. Obi-Wan looked at himself in the mirror a little longer. He could still hear the screams from his horrible dream. It was rarely that Obi-Wan got a good rest anymore, as his dreams seemed to remind him of things he would prefer to not remember.

Being a Jedi meant many things. It meant having the strength to let go, to avoid attachment. It meant resisting the ever-tempting seduction of the dark side, to wallow in your anger and suffering against a universe that seemed so cruel and unfair. It would be a lie to say that the Jedi always found it easy to fight against these things. Even a wise Jedi master like Obi-Wan Kenobi, who seemed completely resistant to the dark side, is still human.

Obi-Wan walked out from the bathroom, and went outside to the balcony. The fresh air felt nice against his face. He could feel the breeze through his neatly trimmed beard. Speeders went by under the city lights. Obi-Wan mused, rubbing his beard as he always did when lost in thought.

"Obi-Wan?" A man's voice said quietly. Kenobi turned around to see Anakin approaching him.

"Oh, Anakin. What are you doing up at this time of night?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I was about to ask you the same thing, master." Anakin said, rubbing the back of his head with his metal arm. Anakin walked over to the balcony and stood next to his master, both of them looking down at the lively city glimmering in the dark.

"I apologise if I woke you. I just needed some fresh air." Obi-Wan explained.

"No master, don't worry, you didn't wake me. I haven't been able to sleep all night." Anakin looked over to Obi-Wan, whose eyes were glued to the city. "You too?"

Kenobi looked at Anakin briefly, before placing his gaze back to the city. "Yeah, something like that. I've been having awful nightmares lately."

"Sort of like the ones I have about my mother?" Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan was quiet for a moment. "Yes, I suppose so."

Anakin hesitated for a moment. It wasn't like Obi-Wan to let things get to him.

"What happened in this dream of yours?" Anakin asked as politely as he could.

It was in that moment, that tears began to stream down Obi-Wan's face.

"It's always memories that I wish I could forget. The countless people I've seen killed in this never-ending war. The memory of having lost Qui-Gon…" Kenobi struggled to speak for a moment. "And holding Satine in my arms as she died."

Anakin wasn't sure of what to say. He'd never seen his master in despair like this. It's sometimes easy to forget that Jedi masters suffer like anyone else.

Anakin spoke. "Master, did you… love Satine?"

Obi-Wan rubbed his forehead gently. "Of course I did, Anakin… but I'm a Jedi. And she's a duchess. It just wasn't possible."

There was silence for a few seconds. "If I'm honest, Anakin… a day hasn't gone by where I haven't thought of her at least once. I shouldn't think about her because attachment is forbidden for us. Yet, I'm still human. I always see her in my dreams, that same memory of holding her in my arms as she spoke her final words. It's hard not to let it haunt me."

Anakin felt a strange sense of comfort seeing his master like this. Like a sense that he wasn't alone in suffering with grief, as most Jedi would simply say to just 'let it go'.

"Well, it's as you said, master. We're still human. We can't control our dreams, or how we feel. I've had many nights like this, being awoken by haunting dreams of my mother."

Anakin looked over to Obi-Wan. "I'm sorry about Satine. And Qui-Gon."

"Thank you, Anakin... I'm sorry about your mother, too. It's not often I get like this, but this war has destroyed so much. It's hard not to let it get to you." Obi-Wan said, calming down.

Obi-Wan looked over to Anakin, and put his hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad to have talked with you about this, Anakin. You're like a brother to me."

Anakin looked over to his master. "I'm glad too, Obi-Wan. I'm glad to of had you as my mentor."

Obi-Wan took his arm off Anakin's shoulder, smiling slightly. Anakin gave a slight smile back to Obi-Wan.

Anakin sighed. "For now, all we can do is just… stick to our teachings. This war has taken a toll on everyone, whether we can see it or not."

There was more silence for a little while. Speeders flew by in the neon-lit city below. It was peaceful at this time of night, almost as if the war had simply stopped.

Obi-Wan broke the silence. "That's all we can do, I'm afraid."

Anakin rubbed his eyes. "We should probably head back to sleep, huh?"

"I wholeheartedly agree." Obi-Wan said, letting out a small yawn.

The two Jedi said their goodnights, and walked back to their rooms.

**The End.**


End file.
